AS a spiralling toll of suicides in Bridgend raises concerns nationwide, campaigner Nick Wentworth-Stanley, whose son James killed himself last year, talks of his loss and why he set up a charity to raise awareness of the problem, in the hope it will prevent other families from suffering the same anguish.

By Gabrielle Fagan

"It's every parent's nightmare, isn't it. Something you think will never happen to you but when it does it's horrendous," says Nick Wentworth-Stanley quietly.

He is talking, at his home in London, about the loss of his son, James, aged 21. A popular, talented student with apparently everything to live for - who 13 months ago ago committed suicide.

Nick, who has a photo of his handsome, smiling son sitting on a desk at his side as he talks, says: "Words cannot describe the desperate frustration a parent suffers losing a child in this way. You play back everything in your mind, constantly questioning whether there was something, anything you could have done to prevent it."

The other emotions he graphically describes - initial shock and disbelief, grief, and still at times almost unbearable sadness - will undoubtedly be all too agonisingly familiar to the parents, family and friends of the 17 youngsters in Bridgend, South Wales, who over the past year have apparently all committed suicide.

This alleged "cluster" - of particular concern are seven cases where the youngsters apparently knew each other - has forced the tragic act of suicide into the headlines time and again over the last few months.

Each death has been accompanied by a barrage of public speculation and debate - which some condemn as adding to the grief of the bereaved - about whether the deaths are linked or have even been provoked by the spotlight of media publicity.

Nick, 53, simply says: "I have so much sympathy for those parents. I understand the devastation and loss that this causes and press reports describing it as an "epidemic" and grouping the tragedies do nothing to minimise the acute personal pain suicide causes in each and every case. Suicide has a ripple effect, touching so many people in different ways.

He continues: "Suicide is so little understood - that's one of the problems, and there doesn't seem to be one single cause. I never realised until it happened to us what a toll it takes of young lives. I wasn't aware it kills more young men in Britain than any form of disease or accident."

He and his ex-wife, Clare, 46, Marchioness of Milford-Haven, have just set up a charity to help raise awareness of the high incidence of suicide among Britain's young men. Their aim is to try to help other families avoid their pain.

Their own tragedy unfolded with frightening speed. Ten days before his death, James, a second year student at Newcastle University, had a small operation on one of his testicles - to correct an abnormal enlargement of one of the veins.

Although surgeons had reassured him that the operation had been 100 per cent successful James developed an irrational belief that he was the one-in-a-million case of failure and that it might affect his sex life.

He returned to his family for a pre-Christmas celebration weekend, at his father's home in Worcestershire in the Cotswolds. Although divorced, Nick and his ex-wife are still friends and so his mother and stepfather were also there, as were his siblings, brother Harry, 18 and sister, Louisa, 14.

Without any warning, James calmly took a shot-gun from his father's safe and slipped outside and shot himself.

Nick, a former Lloyds insurance broker, says: "There was no warning that he might do it. He had no history of mental illness, he wasn't a drug user or a heavy drinker.

"He had so much energy and enthusiasm for life, and was so loving and fun to be with. It seems a like a moment of madness."

It emerged after his death that James had gone to an NHS walk-in clinic in Newcastle a few days before the shooting and told staff he'd had suicidal feelings since his operation. He was sent to queue at A&E as a low priority case - equivalent to the level of having a bad toothache.

Deterred by the wait, James left to go back to his student flat but searches of his computer revealed that he increasingly anxiously searched websites about the operation and left numerous phone messages with his surgeon, seeking reassurance.

Nick says of the day the tragedy took place: "At first, I couldn't believe James had killed himself deliberately - I was convinced it must have been an accident. It's something you never want to see. It never leaves you, that image.

"It felt like a nightmare. James had been a bit low when he got home but never spoke of suicidal feelings but all he really said was thinking about the operation had 'done his head in'. But both his mother and I thought we had reassured him.

"Clare even offered to take him straight back to the surgeon. He refused and said it could wait till the next week."

The family's distress was further compounded by discovering that a note to his GP from a nurse at the Newcastle A&E, stating James had discussed suicide, was sent by second class post and with the wrong postcode and only arrived after his death.

Nick shakes his head in incomprehension as he says: "The statistics of suicide rates among young men must be known to health professionals, and this was in a university town where problems such as depression cannot be uncommon.

"It would seem to me that a young man in James's state of mind should be considered with as great a life-threatening illness as an old man complaining of chest pains and should be treated accordingly, with urgency and care."

Over the last year, the couple have endlessly tried to analyse the reasons for their son's action but Nick now says: "Inevitably, you feel guilt for failing to see the signs - but I didn't know he would do something so horrific. All I can think is, it was an irrational moment - I think he'd got himself into a total state and couldn't see the way forward.

"Of course you're haunted by 'what ifs' and clutch at straws, like, 'Did the operation anaesthetic tip him into depression?', 'Did he have some tendency to be obessional?'.

"I wonder sometimes if because he had so much going for him and his life by comparison to many was so carefree, that it made the sudden onset of the anxiety and depression completely confusing for him.

"Perhaps even he couldn't see the justification for it and worse thought others would just dismiss it and tell him to 'pull himself together'. Maybe feeling like that made him feel even more isolated.

"But we'll never know and it can't change anything."

Nick, who with his second wife, Millie, has three young children, admits that before the tragedy he would not have predicted his ability to cope.

"I'd have said I'd be a complete smoking ruin at losing any one of my children but it turns out you have reserves of strength. It may sound harsh, but I consciously thought 'James has taken himself out of this world but I will not let him take me down with him'.

"You cannot let the grief consume you, you have to appreciate the family you have and carry on for their sake as much as your own.

"He was my eldest son and, slowly, I'm getting used to living with the overriding agony of the loss and learning to live with it."

He and the family cherish their memories of their son and he reflects that: "James was so loved, and loving and yet, like so many others, he succumbed to a moment where he had no regard for what he was leaving behind, no regard for his future and future potential or the utter misery and sadness he was going to cause family and friends."

The James Wentworth-Stanley Memorial Fund (www.jwsmf.org) will raise money for programmes aimed at reducing the suicide rate, such as making parents aware of the danger signals, working to ban so-called 'suicide websites' and urging schools to discuss and counsel pupils about depression and suicide and promote research into the causes and prevention of suicide.

Official statistics show that every year in the UK around 1,600 people under the age of 35 take their own lives. Included in that figure are 600 to 800 young people between the ages of 15 and 24, a number equivalent to the population of a small secondary school.

Nick says: "We believe the official figures would be even worse if you factor in the fact that most coroners do not assign suicide verdicts where there's an element of doubt to spare families further pain.

"We've received so many letters and e-mails since the charity started which are so moving. They're from parents who suffered as we have, and others from people who've experienced suicidal feelings themselves and attempted suicide.

"So many have said they felt let down by the health service in its attitude to depression and that those they love have suffered from the stigma of mental illness."

He describes himself and Clare simply as "ordinary parents who just want to make something good come out of the dreadful tragedy that has happened to us.

"Suicide affects the brightest and most brilliant people in our land and has no regard for background or circumstance. No family is immune from this problem.

"We hope we can do something to save other young people from throwing away their lives and putting their families through the worst possible anguish and horror."

Donations can be made to The James Wentworth-Stanley Memorial Fund c/o Withers Solicitors, 16 Old Bailey, London EC4M 7EG. Visit www.jwsmf.org for more information.

HOW TO SPOT A VULNERABLE YOUNG PERSON

Although suicide is a rare occurrence, episodes of self-harm and/or suicidal behaviour are not uncommon among young people, according to the national charity, Papyrus, which offers practical advice and support to anyone concerned that a young person they know may be at risk of suicide.

Anne Parry, chair of the charity, says: "The positive message is that, with help, many, many people overcome destructive feelings and get better.

"But it's not a huge step from feeling suicidal to actually carrying it out. It's vital to pick up if there's any hint by a young person such as saying they're 'not wanting to be here any more' or they mention suicidal thoughts or feelings."

She advises: "Try and get the youngster talking, and persuade them to share information with someone such as a GP or a counselling service so they can be helped to see suicide is not the solution. Reassure them that confidentiality is always respected."

WHO'S AT RISK

Parry says: "It's difficult to generalise but some characteristics crop up time and time again. They include a very sensitive nature, inability to cope with criticism or disappointment and being poor at finding solutions to problems.

"They may be impulsive and often are perfectionists or people who set themselves unrealistic targets."

WARNING SIGNS

Changes in usual behaviour, anger and/or hostility, tearfulness, being quiet or withdrawn, disruptive behaviour, lack of concentration, changes in eating patterns and, for students, skipping classes and problems completing schoolwork.

CAUSES OF DEPRESSION

These can include breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend, bullying, bereavement, fear of underachievement, mental health problems and drug or alcohol abuse.

Parry says: "Things that seem insignificant or trivial to adults can be of monumental significance to young people. Self-inflicted injury, talking or writing about dying, giving away possessions, feelings of self-hatred or hopelessness are all signals someone may be vulnerable to suicidal thoughts."

WHAT CAN YOU DO?

Listen to them, without interruption or being judgmental. Reassure them they will get better and try to raise their self-esteem. Be clear there are always options.

For example, if they are students at university suggest they leave the course for good, have a break from it and defer, change to a university nearer home or leave higher education and maybe return at a later date.

WHO CAN HELP

PAPYRUS: Its helpline HOPELineUK - 01978 367 333/0870 170 4000 - is staffed by trained professionals, or visit www.papyrus-uk.org

Those suffering suicidal feelings can call The Samaritans - 08457 90 90 90/www.samaritans.org.uk.