'A virtual shoulder to cry on'

By Lisa Salmon

EVEN the best parents need a little help sometimes - but hundreds of thousands of us are now requesting it every day, from the comfort of our own front rooms.

Stressed mums need look no further than their computer to start solving most childrearing problems or have a quick chat with others in the same boat on one of the many advice-packed parenting websites.

It's become so easy that many parents turn to the internet first as a matter of course. But why has parenting chat become so popular? Shouldn't we be figuring out answers for ourselves or seeking professional help in person?

These sites aren't a substitute for traditional sources of parenting advice and support, such as health visitors and mother and toddler groups but a valuable additional resource, says Netmums co-founder, Siobhan Freegard.

She started Netmums - a "family of local websites" - when she felt isolated after having her first baby. The website she started in Harrow, London, quickly snowballed and there are now 152 Netmums sites around the country (www.netmums.com).

Freegard, now a mum of three, says: "Everything useful in a mum's world is passed on by word of mouth, so if you don't know other mums you don't get the information. The idea was to make it easier for mums to speak to each other and help each other.

"There had simply been a vacuum there - my isolated experience was being played out by mums all around the country."

Resources on the site include information on issues such as child development, local activities and household help, recipes, childcare and Local Meet-a-Mum.

The site has almost 400,000 members, the vast majority of whom are women and, revealingly, Netmums research found that 60 per cent of them don't live near their extended family. Just over 60 per cent felt they hadn't been able to replace their absent family by meeting new friends in person.

"What the website does is find a modern way to replace the extended family," says Freegard.

Another extension to that family could be found at www.raisingkids.co.uk, where a third of the 180,000 unique visitors a month use its forums to make friends, according to founder, psychologist Dr Pat Spungin, while others log on in search of advice and information.

She thinks the popularity of sites such as hers stems from the fact that attitudes to childrearing have changed so much.

"Parents don't look to their own parents for advice because they think things are different now. They'd rather go to a website where they either see what other people are doing or what experts are recommending."

She adds: "Very often in the early years of parenting it's quite difficult for people to make friends, so websites serve a vital purpose."

Another important factor is the fact that sites are available 24 hours a day.

Carrie Longton, a co-founder of the "by parents, for parents" site, Mumsnet (www.mumsnet.com), says: "You can ask a question about literally anything to do with parenting on our discussion boards and somebody will have an answer for you.

"There are thousands and thousands of people with hard-earned parenting experiences that they're willing to share 24/7."

As well as the discussion boards on topics ranging from baby names to mothers-in-law, the site features "expert" advice, reviews, tips and interviews.

Longton says that some mums meet face-to-face after talking on the site but adds that just conversing on the net is often all that's needed or preferable in some circumstances.

"It can sometimes be advantageous to be anonymous because parents might want to discuss things they're worried about and might not want to talk about to friends.

"The people you need to speak to are the people who are going through exactly the same things as you at the same time and have come out the other side.

"It's a virtual shoulder to cry on."

It seems we're all doing a lot of crying, if only online.