How to spring clean your man

By Emma Pomfret

ATTENTION boys! You better do something about those dirty old socks, festering take-away boxes and grimy bathroom sinks - the vast majority of British women wouldn't even consider romance with a man who doesn't make an effort to keep his home clean and tidy.

In fact, a staggering 91 per cent of women in the UK insist that it's vitally important for any potential beau to keep their pad spick and span or love won't stand a chance, according to a survey for cleaning company, Molly Maid.

Yet despite the overwhelming evidence that women are clearly turned off by grubby domestic partners, once a relationship has settled the research found that almost three-quarters of women are responsible for all or most of the cleaning in their homes - while a quarter of their male counterparts spend less than an hour a week getting their mitts dirty.

Understandably, during Spring Cleaning Week, messy kitchens and mucky bathrooms topped the list of the most important cleaning jobs for women, while men predictably thought that the lounge - where televisions and gaming equipment are usually kept! - was the second most important room after the kitchen.

"For the nation's women, a Mr Right who cares as much about his home as his appearance is incredibly important," says Pam Bader, chief executive of Molly Maid.

"While today's well-kept male is prepared to fork out the pennies for his grooming needs, perhaps he needs to pay more attention to the state of his floors rather than the state of his pores," she laughs.

"Perhaps Mr Not-Quite-Right should rethink his household budget and consider a modest investment in a professional spring clean in order to reap vast returns for his love life."

DOMESTICATE THAT MAN

"How can you get a man to do the housework? If you are like most women you've faced this question the hard way: in an argument with your husband," explains Marty Friedman, American author, life coach and founder of www.meninmarriage.com.

"Here's a man's take on this troublesome issue - a man will always appreciate a clean, orderly house but he usually won't make the effort to create it.

"This doesn't mean that a woman has to do all the housework; it just means that she may have to manage many of the household duties, at least for a while, and request her man's participation, while respectfully holding him accountable for what he said he'd do."

Indeed, a woman can rant and rave until the cows come home about how men and women should take equal responsibility for housework but Friedman believes that it's far more constructive to simply look at what you want done and then decide how best to communicate and negotiate its completion.

"Very few men are raised to be fully responsible for housework, and many men consciously or unconsciously look on housework as 'women's work'," he says.

"On the other hand, most men will readily work around the garden, make repairs and complete projects at the weekend or evenings, so it's important to show your man appreciation for those contributions too because, in his mind, repairs and projects count just as much or maybe more than housework."

Friedman believes that most men will take on a few additional chores around the house if they are respectfully asked and not second-guessed and criticised for what they do.

"Here's the key: we men want to feel that we are doing housework either because we want to do a task, because we are good at it, or because we simply want to please our women," he advises.

"Men are much less likely to take on household tasks that they perceive as uninteresting and unimportant.

"In other words, men are unlikely to do a household task just for the good of the house."

He shares his tips for spring cleaning your man's household habits:

ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT

"Make a clear, specific request about exactly what you want or need, and avoid criticisms and judgments such as, 'You never do any housework' or, 'You're lazy!' because it will only serve to make a man feel either ashamed or angered and neither result will help your cause," says Friedman.

PRESENT THE ISSUE AS A PROBLEM FOR WHICH YOU NEED HELP

"Encourage your man to come up with options and make suggestions," he recommends.

STAY CALM AND MAKE IT PERSONAL

"Even though you've made a request, leave room for new ideas and a full, honest conversation about housework and related issues," Friedman advises.

"Be open and listen to him, even if you don't agree with what he says.

"Try saying, 'It would mean a lot to me if you would clean up the dishes on the nights I cook. Would you be willing to take that on?'"

NEVER CALL A SPECIAL MEETING TO DISCUSS HOUSEWORK

"You're better off keeping the whole conversation low-key," he says.

"If you call a special meeting, your man is likely to feel it's going to be another 'relationship talk', and he will be told what he's doing wrong.

"He'll put up immediate defences and tune you out or argue with you, so try talking when you are both engaged in another activity, such as gardening or when you're both in the car."

DON'T BELITTLE OR CRITICISE HIS FAILINGS

"Build on all the great things your man does, rather than criticising all he doesn't do but don't expect massive changes right away," Friedman warns.

"Men haven't been expected to do much housework over the last several thousand years and we are making a tough transition to the 21st century," he adds.

"Applying these ideas in your household will pave the road for incremental changes and increase your man's participation in housekeeping."

Unfortunately this advice comes with no guarantee, but surely worth a try.