There’s a moose loose aboot my hoose (excuse the Scottish vernacular, but it doesn’t sound the same in English), or to be precise there was a moose loose ... oh, you get the gist.

We had a mouse problem a couple of years ago, but since we ‘fixed’ the hole in the door we also fixed the problem.
Unfortunately, as is the way with temporary fixes, it soon broke again and our little visitor saw his chance and took it.
I think he had been casing the joint for a few days prior, because every time I opened the front door, I would see, from the corner of my eye, something scuttle from the recycling box.
I do wash all the items in the recycling box so as not to encourage the furry ones, but perhaps he was hoping I would miss a bit, or that a stray bean might be lurking.
Anyway, one evening someone (who shall remain nameless)left the door open and I only realised when my fingers started to turn blue, at which point I went to shut the door, but not before I saw a certain furry something scuttle.
A frantic half hour ensued while I, in best Tom and Jerry fashion, stood on a stool directing various boys armed with golf clubs and shoes. They finally managed to chase him out of the door but not before we noticed a goodly hole chewed in the bottom of the door.
Apparently they only need a hole the size of a pencil to be able to squeeze in but this was big enough to let him, his wife and three of his children squeeze in.
Well, he’d had a sniff of the good life hadn’t he; all the leavings from five children, plus a nice pile of warm clothes on the bathroom floor to sleep in, so he wasn’t going to give it up without a fight.
I remembered from the last time that the only sure way to get rid of mice is to use a mouse trap. So-called humane ones are so humane they only serve as an extension with a running buffet. I’ve never caught a mouse in one yet, they just have a feast on your strategically placed and grudgingly relinquished chocolate and then just stroll out, leaving a little message by way of a thank you.
Easy-set traps are, as they promise, easy to set, but also very easy for the mouse to escape.
No, a ‘Little Nipper’ is what you need. You will have to sacrifice chocolate I’m afraid there is no way round that one, and it does necessitate the biggest bar you can find, you only need a tiny piece for the mouse trap, but you will need to eat the rest yourself later to recover from the trauma .
I think I bought a dodgy one, as it took me three goes to catch the little blighter. For two nights I set the trap and every morning came down to find the chocolate snaffled, and the trap sprung, but no mouse.
It was third time unlucky though as I decided to melt the chocolate so that it would stick to the trap and therefore be harder to make off with.
I will spare you the gory details, but suffice it to say that we are once again mouse less, his hole has been boarded up again and there is a To Let sign on his pile of clothes.
Now, where did I put the rest of that chocolate?